Colin Bridgerton, you are on thin ice!! — Bridgerton S3 E7 Recap

Colin Bridgerton, you are on thin ice!! And beneath the surface is my undying love for you — S3 E7 Recap

LET’S JOIN THESE HANDS.

• My rich, beautiful boy. I was a little shocked you had not caught on. It’s okay, I know your thoughts were clouded by your lust and undying affection.
• “I was terrified that your carriage driver had abducted you to this part of town.” I love my paranoid prince. Ready to go to war with a carriage-driving-kidnapper at the drop of a hat.
• RIP Colin Bridgerton, you would have loved the movie Taken with Liam Neeson.
• NOT THE TEARS!!!!!!!!
• He blamed himself, he thought he was undeserving of her love!!!!!! He really said I thought you were too hot for him but you’re actually just Shady Whistledown!!!
• If they don’t get the creepy tree opening credits out of my face… I’m gonna go carriage-driver-kidnapper on whoever made this decision.
• I love ruffle blouse Colin. I want ruffle blouse sleep shirt Colin Funko Pop!
• Lady Cressida Whistledown really said “Why aren’t we, as a society, talking about how weirdly horny the Bridgerton family is?” And you know what? She’s right.
• Eloise saying Penelope met Colin first… he introduced her to the Bridgertons and then he MADE HER a BRIDGERTON.
• I love Colin yelling at Eloise about not telling him and then she dishes it right back to him and says you should have told me you were in love with my best friend! And Colin makes a face like oooooo girl… you got me there. I done goofed.
• Big ups to Eloise for defending Penelope after she said she wouldn’t.
• And when she says her sheet has been fair and Colin is like ummmmmm what about when she called me fake??? And Eloise is like ……. Mmm not nice but not wrong tho, babe.
• Colin telling Eloise she’s lucky she’s never been in love (RIP Theo) was his way of saying “uh yeah I’m going to forgive her I’m literally obsessed with her and I’m PISSED about it.”
• Penelope tells him to look at her but he can’t because he knows he might start to soften. Gotta keep his tough guy guard up.
• Colin Bridgerton went to the same “I am a Man of Honor” school that Anthony Bridgerton also went to… and we know how that turned out… I hope Violet Bridgerton gets her money back.
• I won’t be commenting on the pl*nned entr*pment comment other than to say I know my boy is hurting so I will forgive him for being a messy girl just this once.
• Penelope just breaks his heart into a million pieces when she tells him she’s probs gonna keep writing LW and he’s just like “Ughhhhh let’s just get married and we will deal with this later I guess.” HE is using entrapment as an excuse to still marry HER. If Penelope tried to call off the wedding, I assure you Colin would be like ok but what about MY precious virtue?!
• Portia and Violet gossiping about how their kids are being weirdos is a big mood. Nosey mamas we stand in solidarity with you.
• Drunk Colin… big cutie pie energy. Just lots of nodding and teeny tiny smiles for no one.
• Penelope saying she’s worried she’s not worthy of the man she loves… meanwhile Colin is drinking himself into oblivion because he’s depressed that his future wife is the most renowned writer in all of Mayfair. HE thinks he’s not worthy of HER. Thank God for entrapment.
• DRUNK COLIN AND TIPSY PEN DOING A COLLAB ON THE STREETS OF MAYFAIR!
• Colin was like I don’t even wanna know what you were doing… and Penelope said get back here because I DO want to know what you were doing!!!!!!! Who is afraid of little old me!! (The answer is Colin Bridgerton)
• Teary eyed Colin back in full effect.
• Okay, they are communicating. Hot.
• It is soooo clear he’s using Marina and Eloise’s scandal sheets as a shield for the thing that really hurts him: the fact that she wrote about HIM. He’s like “MMMMM yeah I can’t believe you did that to the girls but what about YOUR BOY?????? Explain that! HMMMMM???”
• And Penelope is like did you see that pirate coat you were wearing????? Be so serious rn, we both know you were going through it.
• The second she says the word love, this man begins foaming at the mouth. Affection is his kryptonite.
• Colin is like you don’t need a career or a passion!! You have ME!!! Sweet boy. Kiss your brain.
• AND HERE IT IS!!!! THE ADMISSION!!! Jealous boy finally admits he just wants to be like Penelope Featherington when he grows up.
• And when she tries to soothe the wound he’s like ugh no let’s go back to talking about how LW is dangerous!! You can’t convince me I’m a good writer but maybe I can convince you I am a good protector.
• THEN WHAT GOOD AM I TO YOU?????? This man wants someone to define his purpose soooo bad. He’s like please please please please let me be Lady Whistledown’s bodyguard I NEED THIS.
• Oh no. She said the ‘L word.’ If she says it a third time he will turn into a total freak for her…
• Oop, there it is. She said it. She unleashed the beast.
• If there is one thing Colin Bridgerton is going to do, it’s push his girl up against the wall while they make out. He needs to steady himself. Really put his back into it, etc.
• He’s so big and she is so small… He shields her entire body with ease. He was born to bodyguard.
• Where did this carriage come from? lol
• Well well well… if it isn’t Wife Guy Senior waiting up for Wife Guy Junior.
• Colin is such a wife guy, even when it isn’t his own wife. The way he jumped five feet for Kate.
• Anthony is just here for the tea.
• When Kate asks if all this changes how he sees Penelope and Colin is like “well, no, duh… still obsessed with her” with his little head shake.
• The shot of Colin alone in the study… the Penelope candle is burning NICE and BRIGHT. IYKYK
• All the Featheringtons in Bridgerton blue… I am so sorry for saying this but there is no other appropriate word in the English language except for: slay.
• Is anyone else obsessed with Luke’s chin scar? It’s so hot.
• YELLLLLLLLLLLLLOW! NOT YELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOW.
• The way his jaw drops ever so slightly when he sees her walking down the aisle. I’m going to be sick.
• At first, I was bitter about the wedding because Luke said he cried when he saw Edwina walking into her wedding in season 2. So I was expecting Colin to absolutely drop dead at the sight of Penelope on her wedding day. Like I thought he was going to drop to his knees wailing and punch a hole through the marble floors of the church with his fists. But I know that wouldn’t make sense for the character at this moment in time. I just had high hopes for him going absolutely sicko psycho mode at the sight of her.
• When I first watched this I thought his little nod meant, “I still want to marry you.” But after approximately 18 rewatches, I have realized that the nod is actually his way of saying, “I love you.” And her nod back is very much, “I love you, too.” Which makes the scene infinitely better.
• To make matters worse, when she walks by Eloise she ALSO gives her the “I love you” nod. Penelope is my favorite Bridgerton.
• When the minister starts speaking Colin looks startled because for a second there was only Penelope. ):
• He can’t even say her name without smiling… and she can’t say his without smiling either. Kill me.
• THE WAY HE IS STROKING HER HANDS DURING THE JOINING OF HANDS. Little reassuring finger petting.
• Kiss was cute but Colin and Penelope Bridgerton invented hand holding. Show me two people who have perfected hand holding the way Nic and Luke have… sickening.
• The way they spend their entire wedding breakfast trying to get to one another… He is otherwise COMPLETELY miserable outside of her direct presence. In the words of The 1975, it’s not living if it’s not with you…
• The face he makes when he finally catches her gaze across the room. He’s like omg omg omg she can see me… be cool, Colin. Be cool… it’s like babe, you know you’re married to her, right?! Like you can just talk to her. Stop being so NERVY!
• You KNOW I lost control of my faculties when “You Belong With Me” started playing.
• Colin does not want to dance. He does not want to greet people. He thought she was asking him to get out of dodge altogether. Go hook up in a coat closet somewhere. But she’s like nooo I want to DANCE and Colin Bridgerton is physically incapable of telling that woman no. He’s ruined for life.
• The SHRIEK I SHRUCK. The GASP I GUSPED when they cut to them dancing alone in the room together. I thought they were going to have to admit me to a hospital.
• NOT the FACE STROKE. Cut this man’s hands off. He can’t keep getting away with this.
• PENELOPE YOU ARE A BRIDGERTON NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They’re like .0002 seconds away from being sent to the gallows and he still finds time to be a wife guy.
• Shout out to Anthony Bridgerton being away from home for almost a year but telling the queen this would never happen on his watch. HAHAH.
• Dying to know what was so bad about the first version of this scene that they needed to put sweet baby Luke in this criminal wig.
• Pretty sure he’s a little turned on by her saying “I am Whistledown.”
• Eloise/Penelope hug is better than Polin having a wedding night. There, I said it.