Colin Bridgeton is Down Bad Crying at the Gym: A Season 3, Episode 2 Recap

Viewers have taken to the streets demanding for Colin to be on his hands and knees, groveling for Miss Featherington. And to those people, I beg the question: Are we watching the same show? Colin is all but stalking her at this point in the series and they haven’t even kissed yet. Don’t believe me?
Let’s break down the episode together…

• All the girls at the park are looking for Colin. Colin is only looking for Penelope. Got it. Cool. Awesome.
• He can’t even begin Flirting 101 until his dearest Pen tells him he’s not what Lady Whistledown says he is. She is his validation vending machine.
• My man practically back flips out of the brothel bed because he’s worried about being late… then we see HE is waiting for HER. Somebody could not WAIT his see his PLATONIC BUDDY.
• I think you are sooooo charming that I remember the very first day I met you and what you were wearing and how it made me feel. (As friends!)
• When Penelope tells him she has to leave before someone notices them together? And he does that SMILE while she walks away? Even Penelope’s maid knows what you are Colin. We all do.
• What is the thing that makes you feel most comfortable in the world??? Oh, tea at Bridgerton House??? John ran home to have the music re-composed for Fran and Colin ran home to recreate Penelope’s safe space for her. The men in this show are S I C K.
• I have been “E A G E R L Y awaiting your visit.” So much so that, I am going to put my hand on your lower back while your maid waits outside for us so we can role play in peace. Jail time, Bridgerton. JAIL!
• Why would you practice on an imaginary cellist when you can practice on a very real dashing suitor????? ME. And then she says one honest, flirty thing to him and this man CHOKES. Downs the whole glass of lemonade. You can’t wash down those feelings, babe.
• Little puppy dog growls when he cuts his hand in the study and then literally forgets all his pain and anger and frustration the second she’s holding his hand. I wonder why. Anyway, am I going to see you tonight??? I know we just spent all day together but I need a commitment I’ll see you again in three hours or I’ll take this bandage off and bleed out right now, if that’s okay with you.
• When Eloise asks Colin if Penelope is seeking a husband in Colin and he’s like “No! I am only helping her find one.” But his face is like “No ))))): I am only helping her find one. (ugh)”
• This man cannot set foot into a room without looking for her. Or as he says, “I seek you out at every social assembly…….”
• “My hand is much better……….. thanks to you” Not Colin Bridgerton crediting Penelope with the invention of the bandage.
• A man’s horse is DEAD. And you two sickos are just standing around GIGGLING? This is especially telling because Colin looks like he would have been a HUGE horse girl if he had been born a Colleen instead of a Colin.
• Lord Remington and Penelope??? Alexa, play Jealous by Nick Jonas.
• I am certain he enjoyed himself as well, Colin says… gritting his teeth. We get it. Your family is rich. You can just buy new molars if you break these ones but chill out.
• When the women are gossiping about Penelope and that man leaps out of his skin to be like what are you saying?? Keep my girl’s name out of ya mouth.
• Next day, Colin is staring out at the house across the street. I know there was no TV at the time but surely you and Penelope can find at least one other hobby besides being obsessed with each other.
• I BRIBED YOUR MAID SO WE COULD HAVE A MOMENT ALONE.
  That’s sick. You’re sick.
• Colin, she asked for a kiss. Not a kiss and also a bonus round of making out!!!!!!!!!!!!! But we will take it. As Penelope said, “thank you.”

In summary, this man is dying of thirst and he always has been. I rest my case.