Colin Bridgeton is Down Bad Crying at the Gym: A Season 3, Episode 4 Recap

By now, we are all on the very same page. Colin is so obsessed with Penelope Featherington. The only person on earth who does not know this, though? Penelope Featherington. Let’s do our final deep dive (for now) about how she finally finds out.

• When we find Colin in this ep, he’s reading… but not a book. It’s a JOURNAL. Is it the journal that Pen was reading? Is it something entirely new he’s written about her? Only time will tell (and they better tell us). Either way it’s gotta be something juicy because he basically throws the book away when Mama Bridgerton walks in on him.
• He says he can’t meet his sister’s possible future baby daddy because he’s worried he’s gonna eat all the biscuits ummmmm babe, look at the state of ya! You’re practically withering away, the only thing you’ve eaten this whole season is a cupcake that reminded you of Penelope.
• Mama Bridgerton: should we talk about your love life? Colin: Nope, I actually don’t have a love life. The only thing I care about is Francesca finding love even though two seconds ago I said I will not be supporting her in romantic endeavors which are taking place down the hall.
• I’m convinced Colin only went to the library opening because he knew his little ginger bookworm would be there. Colin “I would love my girlfriend even if she was a worm” Bridgerton is in the building.
• This man literally stationed himself by a mirror so he could stare directly at his baby girl via looking glass without getting caught for the millionth time. He really said, I’m done embarrassing myself (not really).
• Don’t even get me started on the second brothel scene. This man looks like he is mildly concussed the entire time. He looks so distressed when they tell him to sit down… like somewhere between a panic attack and trying to figure out who farted.
• Colin is a lover, not a fighter, nevertheless, at the club, he looks like he’s two minutes away from pouring hot candle wax into his own ears so he doesn’t have to listen to the Lord Squad for another second.
• He’s so sick of the way they view women that when they’re like can you do an erotica for us?? talk about your hookup, none of us are gentlemen!! He’s like u know what??? U r right! Also, I kind of think u r ugly (he doesn’t say this part but that is his vibe in this moment)
• “But it is tiring, is it not? The necessity imposed on us to remain cavalier about the one thing that holds meaning? Do you not find it lonely?” Taylor Swift could never. (And I love her almost as much as I love Colin Bridgerton)
• Colin coming down the big beautiful Bridgerton stairs to tell his mommy he has a hangover and can’t go out to play. And she’s like ???? the headache you feel now will not compare to the ringing in your ears after I smack you upside the head if you let Penelope say yes to Debling tonight!!!!!!!!!!! But anyway have a great night babe, hope your head feels better xo
• Also are we gonna talk about how this man was napping in the white ruffle shirt from Seinfeld? Regency era sleepy boy you will always be famous ily
• The AUDACITY this man had to go back to his study after his mommy told him to go change. But that’s okay because the lamp reminds him of her (everything reminds him of her) and he’s like ok u know what??? Put me back in coach!!!
• SNOW ON THE BEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE NEXT TIME WE SEE THIS MAN IN A CARRIAGE IT’S GAME OVER FOR ALL OF US!!!!!!!!
• The Lord Squad is waiting to kidnap him for another night of being the rat pack (emphasis on rat) but Colin is like get out of my way… do you not remember when I (silently) told you all you were ugly yesterday???
• Unhinged Colin unlocked, man really said can I interrupt?????????? And then Debling is like ummmm no? And Colin is like awesome thanks! And cuts in anyway. Just gorgeous. This is the Bridgerton sense of entitlement I’ve been waiting for.
• Penelope is looking at him like she wants to breathe fire on his face and singe off his eyebrows and he’s looking at her like he’s still thinking about the way she ate that cupcake a week ago
• Pen??? You cannot marry him??? You hardly know him!!!! You know who you know really really really really really really well????? Take a guess. Any guess. Say any name that comes to mind. FOR $10 NAME A MAN THAT’S OBSESSED WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• I know I am primarily focused on Colin’s POV but can you imagine being Penelope and being like LMBO! Debling, you silly billy goat! You think THAT MAN is into ME?! The thought has never crossed his mind!!!!!!!!!!!!! Colin thinks girls are icky and I am not even girl I am just Pen, I do not count, etc.
• OKAY IT’S HAPPENING!!! HE’S A RUNNER HE’S A TRACK STAR!!!!! Talk about character growth, baby boy went from running to the Greek Isles to avoid his problem to running after his woman!!!!!!!!! We love to see it !!!!!!! Ladies, let this serve as a reminder for you to leave!!!!! That!!!!!! Man!!!!!!! On!!!!! Read!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he needs to hear back from you he can do what any decent Bridgerton man would do and court you via gentle stalking.
• WAIT!!!!!!!!!! His little voice in the distance. This man shows up at the carriage door, panting. HE RAN AS FAST AS TWO HORSES and he’s just like LET ME IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (please because consent is sexy tho)
• OKAY THE DOOR IS SHUT. and Pen is like we are doing Bridgerton House first!!! And Colin looks at her like ??? ok rude but I get it.
• He’s like ugh I don’t want to be a messy girl so before I make mess let me ask you did that Beyond Beef Patty propose to you or what??????/
• And then he’s like ummmm this is my business, I literally don’t think about anything else I have no other hobbies or interests besides you. This man doesn’t even know where his pirate coat is rn he hasn’t had time for laundry.
• Then he rattles off a list reasons she can’t marry Debling and he does a really good job of pretending he’s coming up with them on the spot but you know when he can’t sleep at night he’s up in his journal writing a Buzzfeed style listicle like “200 Reasons I think Lord Debling is an ugly wench!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
• And Penelope is like no he didn’t propose because he is insane and thinks you like me???????????????????? And Colin is like ok interesting that you bring that up and she’s like shut up!!!!!!!! And he’s like I NEVER HAVE AND I AIN’T STARTING NOW, SO BUCKLE UP BABY GIRL.
• Can you believe this isn’t his love confession? He’s like I am literallllly addicted to you and can’t stop thinking about you and I actually put myself in a medically induced coma because every second that I am awake but not in your presence I might as well be DEAD.
• And then Penelope hits him with the “We are friends!” line and this man just lost ten years of his life EASY! They came clean OFF. For all the folks begging to see him grovel ???? This man just chased down a horse-powered vehicle, begged to get inside, got down on his knees, admitted he’s whipped like Philadelphia cream cheese, and now he’s APOLOGIZING for being madly in love with her because he thinks she doesn’t feel the same way? What did yall want him to do??? Wear a scarlet “P” on his chest and let every member of the Featherington family flog him in the Grosvenor Square? Have a seat! I can’t even get a man to text me back. This is not the time to be MORE unrealistic.
• And then she’s like SIKE!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna be more than friends and you can SEE the color come back to his face like they just did CPR and his hurt is pumping again!!!!!!!!!!
• Now, I am a God-fearing woman so when Pitbull steps in, I step out. But I will fast forward really quick to the end when this man is looking at her… no thought, head completely empty and all he can hear in his ears is Jagged Edge’s “Let’s Get Married.” (They should do a strings cover of this for part 2)
• COME INSIDE!!!!! MY MOM IS GONNA BE SO PROUD I DIDN’T FUDGE THIS WHOLE THING UP LIKE MY SIBLINGS NORMALLY DO. and she’s like that’s a little too freaky for me?? Your whole family will be there. And he’s like oh no no no no we are actually doing MARRIAGE rn!!!!!!

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