If Colin Bridgerton had climbed on that stage next to Penelope, I would have pushed him off — Bridgerton Season 3 Episode 8 Recap

We did it, we made it to the end of the road! Let’s take this bad boy home. Not sure what I will do with my life after this is over. (I’ll likely still be rewatching Bridgerton, if we are being honest.)

• I love my melodramatic king. He looks like he was up all night crying in this first shot.
• The way he’s been waiting for her to wake up and then he acts surprised when he hears her voice like he hasn’t bracing himself for this since dawn.
• RIP Colin Bridgerton you would have loved screaming alongside Olivia Rodrigo in the car… my fellow teenage drama queen.
• There’s a photo of Colin Bridgerton sleeping on the sofa next to the word “fitfully” in the dictionary
• Addicted to the fact that this man didn’t sleep, got up, got dressed, made himself tea, and waited for her to wake up just so he could be like “I’m actually not talking to you!! BYE!” Petty man whom I love and adore.
• Addicted to the seashell wall and also his bad attitude
• I cannot believe how different Rae looks in Bridgerton-Featherington Blue
• I love that Colin is just sitting in the Bridgerton drawing room sulking alone hoping someone stumbles upon him and asks him what’s wrong.
• Colin Bridgerton would have loved posting cryptic quotes and depressing songs to his Instagram story.
• When Eloise says “Do not let your marriage be the scar.” And he says “no” in maybe the world’s most dramatic tone and then stands up… I fear I love this man more than I will ever love my future husband.
• I loveeeeeeee the way he immediately pretends to be a soft boy to save face for Portia.
• Colin loves the drama. He heard Cressida know about Whistledown and his expression goes from “I should jump from this window” to “Okay, it’s go time. I have something to dooooooooo. Finally, I am NEEDED!!!”
• Penelope immediately says she doesn’t need his help and he was like “UMMM ok babe sorry this is actually not about you at all. I am LORD WHISTLEDOWN! HEAR ME ROAR!”
• We cannot BESMIRCH the Bridgerton name. Heaven forbid. Colin will have to squash Cressida Cowper like she is the bee that killed his father.
• I will not stand for anyone blackmailing MY WIIIIIIFEEEEEEEEE. Borat is shaking rn.
• In this moment Portia understands why Debling didn’t stand a chance against Colin “My Wife” Bridgerton.
• The way Penelope said “I can pay her.” Colin is looking at her like ugh should we just go back to my carriage RIGHT NOW or am I supposed to FIGHT YOU to the DEATH.
• But then she says it’s more than 10K and he’s like ugh nevermind I just lost my arousal, I am too busy feeling poor.
• Colin’s inner monologue: “Okay, so she has money and I can’t provide that for her… but you know what I can provide? Protection. Stand back, I’m going to body slam Cressida Cowper.”
• I love Penelope looking at Colin when he says he’s going to talk it out with Cressida like “Mmmmm. This seems like a bad idea. It’s giving Himbo… he could still get it though.”
• Colin talking about being lonely!!!! The Bridgerton man most capable of talking about his feelings openly. WE LOVE TO SEE IT!
• HE WANTED ANYONE TO WRITE BACK BUT HE WAS ESPECIALLY HEARTBROKEN WHEN PENELOPE STOPPED WRITING. Once again ladies, I implore you, leave that man on read. If she had written to him last summer this gorgeous pirate might be in a brothel right now instead of defending his wife’s honor!!!!!!
• Cressida is definitely wondering why this man is acting so broke, rn. Like just cough up the money we know you have it! You’ve been on vacation for for like five years. Please you’re saving a ton since you cancelled your brothel subscription.
• CRESSIDA CALLING COLIN OUT FOR BEING JEALOUS. Say what you want about Miss Cowper but she could have been a great therapist, she knows how to read people like a book.
• Colin defending Lady Whistledown even though he wants to wring the fictional writer’s neck, that’s how love works!!!!
• Colin was sooooo close until he mentioned Cressida’s f*ther.
• Honestly I think it’s kind of hot that Cressida was like you know what? You wasted my time so now I want double. Good for her, tbh.
• ELOISE AND PENELOPE BESTIES REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!!!!! As Luke Newts says, “they are the season’s other love story.” And I AGREE.
• The way Colin had to brief Portia about his failure downstairs before coming upstairs to tell his wife. Would kill to see them doing Featherington estate planning together next season. No one in the whole of London knows how to manage a home like this lady.
• Colin is borderline relieved he’ll have to shell out the 20K because Penelope doesn’t have the money. I think he’d rather be broke than have his wife pick up the tab… God, I see what you’ve done for Penelope Featherington…
• Crazy how Benedict is in bed for the entirety of this episode. Did he break his legs and could only act in this horizontal position?
• I love how there is almost nothing in Colin’s desk except some letters and his journal… interesting.
• Not the shoulder sending him to another dimension. That man saw her in Bridgerton blue and thought “I should be making a Featherington heir right now.”
• The way Colin is absolutely down bad for his wife???????????????????? MAKES ME SICKKKKKKKKK.
• I am actually shocked he’s not sleeping on the stool at the end of their bed in the fetal position so he can listen to her breathe all night.
• You guys know sleep shirt Colin makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. And the fact is curly hair is going full force rn? I’m needing medical attention.
• Penelope is a stronger woman than I. She really said if you don’t want to be near me I am happy to give you space…
• And then that man LEAPED out of bed like Grandpa Joe when Charlie won tickets to Willy Wonka’s factory when his wife walked out on him.
• Did men really sleep in pants like that? I can’t get over his pajamas. I’m going to need to go to regency era men’s pajama rehab.
• What are the letters addressed to Miss Bridgerton????? I never understood that second bundle.
• The second she left him he had to go into his letters to read her words because he missed her. Once again, nothing makes this man (or any man) more feral than a little bit of space to realize what he is missing out on!!
• Penelope and Portia are the other great love story of this season. Portia, you will always be famous.
• Penelope watching Colin watch his family like he hung the stars in the sky. I cannot believe there are people who think they don’t have chemistry. These two INVENTED the periodic table.
• Colin saying, “But WE are running out of time.” WE are the wHISTLEDOWNS.
• “Then how am I meant to help you?!” Colin wants to be needed soooooo badly. Breaks my heart.
• His tiny little smile when she mentions pleasure… he really said “Girl don’t tempt me rn!!!!!!!!!!!”
• These two have confessed their love to each other in every episode this season they both need to be hosed down and locked away.
• She broke his brain when she told him he didn’t need to do anything for her to love him. He’s like ????????????????????? but that’s my WHOLE personality. I know Luke said Colin’s love language is quality time but this man would DIE without acts of service.
• He wants to kiss her sooooo bad. I bet he’s been sleeping fitfully because he’s still having dreams of smooching in the garden.
• When she holds his hands at the end of the scene in the study she is sooooo small but she steadies the big tall man so well.
• I really thought Penelope was going to give like 1K to Cressida to help her escape lol like you’re a loser but I get it. I was a loser once, too. LOL
• I am having a Dankworth Finch themed birthday party next year. Bugs and all.
• Colin showing up to this ball with his siblings instead of his wife is crazy to me. Thank God his drama queen phase is nearing its end.
• That being said, if Colin had gone up there with Penelope I would have climbed inside my TV and pushed him off that stage. After all of his mixed feelings and fear since finding out, this speech Penelope is making is not just for the Queen or the ton. It’s for Colin. He needed to hear this, to understand the LW lore, and to make sure his family would not be collateral damage in the wake of her reveal.
• Colin is not a perfect person but he is perfect for Penelope.
• Plus, she is a baddie who doesn’t need anyone up there on stage with her. She built this empire. Let her claim it.
• His little smile and nod!! “You’re doing amazing sweetie.” If they had camcorders, Colin would be recording this.
• The only person who loves Penelope more than Colin is Finch.
• The Queen looking at Lady Danbury when she pardons Penelope because she is really doing it as a favor to her Bridgerton-Obsessed-Bestie.
• Violet going to comfort Colin now that it’s over but he can’t look away from Penelope. That is the correct response.
• Now Varley!!!!!! THE BUGS! I don’t know how I will survive without Phillippa next season ):
• Penelope and Eloise wearing red lipstick. These two girls are DONE keeping their lips SEALED! SPEAK! UP!
• COLIN IS WALKING OVER TO PENELOPE!! I THINK I MIGHT PEE EVEN THOUGH I’VE WATCHED THIS EPISODE ABOUT 32 TIMES ALREADY.
• Colin is looking at Penelope like she invented writing as a concept. A marvel.
• Penelope said the word annulment and Colin almost pushed her over. She’s just bullying him now. This was her payback for his entrapment comment.
• Show Colin is sooooo much less annoying than Book Colin when it comes to his jealousy. He just wants to soak up a little bit of her light!!!
• HE FINALLY FOUND HIS PURPOSE. I LOVE HIM, TOO, PENELOPE!! Please share him.
• The way they both have tears in their eyes and I know it’s because the scene is super sweet but also because their time leading their season is coming to a close. I’m gonna be ill. Nic and Luke have done an absolute number on my mental stability.
• COLIN AND PENELOPE ARE GOING TO BE DANCE PARTNERS FOREVER ISN’T THAT SICK!!!!!!!!!! INCURABLE REALLY.
• The way he laughs during their dance. That’s not even scripted, I bet. That’s just Luke Newton being the most precious boy in the world.
• Colin finally made it off the sofa and into the bed… good for him. Was worried about his back.
• Little Pen has come a long way from “There’s more?????????”
• Benedict standing alone in frame as LW says, “It is time now to look toward the future.” If that man is not season 4, I’ll never believe or trust anything this show does ever again in my LIFE.
• The Eloise/Penelope wave through the carriage made me sob more than any Colin and Penelope scene. Being a girl is serious business. I cannot stress this enough.
• The way Violet is always holding on to Colin. He’s never beating the favorite son allegations. Name starts with a ‘C’ but he is basically her first born.
• Portia and Violet should move to a dower house together. I want THAT spin off. Regency Golden Girls.
• HE LET HER HELP HIM WRITE HIS BOOK!!! My baby really said she strokes my ego so good I don’t need to have it stroked by anyone else. We have VALIDATION AT HOME!!!!!!!!
• The way Penelope and the baby are the same exact size is sending me. That baby is a Bridgerton for real.
• Colin saying, “You think my smile is beguiling?” THESE BRIDGERTON BOYS AND THEIR SMILES. It’s almost like Anthony is in the room with us right now. (May he Rest in India.)
• “Traveling with Myself” makes me imagine Colin listening to the strings version of “Dancing with Myself” by Robyn while on his travels alone. Lol
• STANDING IN FRONT OF THE WINDOW. I AM GOING TO BE SICK.
• NOT PENELOPE’S VOICE TAKING OVER LW! I AM SOBBING.
• THIS KISSSSSSSSSSSSSS I JUST ROLLED OFF MY BED AND INTO A BLACK HOLE.
• His smile after they kiss. Put it in the Louvre.
• We did it, yall. Another Bridgerton. Happily ever after.

Thanks for coming along on this ride with me. You’ve all helped me maintain my sanity during this season. Please comment with your theories on what’s to come for Polin next season. I need this.